2013: The Year That Everyone Tapped Their Index Fingers Impatiently

Breathless Finger-Tapping [tappity-tappity-tappity]
1. Tegan and Sara - Heartthrob
2. Kacey Musgraves - Same Trailer, Different Park
3. will.i.am - #willpower
4. Flume - s/t
5. Cast of Nashville - The Music of Nashville Season One
6. Kitty - D.A.I.S.Y. Rage
7. Ashley Monroe - Like a Rose
8. Pistol Annies - Annie Up
9. Kate Nash - Girl Power
10. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Mosquito
11. DJ Mustard - Ketchup
12. Yo La Tengo - Fade
13. Chance the Rapper - Acid Rap 14. Disclosure - Settle
15. !!! - Thr!!!er
16. Justin Timberlake - The 20/20 Experience
17. Lee Hyori - Monochrome
18. Bangladesh - Ponzi Scheme
19. Waxahatchee - Cerulean Salt
20. Adrian Younge & the Delfonics - Adrian Young Presents the Delfonics


Enthusiastic Finger-Tapping [tap-tap-tap]
Bleeding Rainbow - Yeah Right
Cassie - RockaByeBaby
Charles Bradley and Menahan Street - Victim of Love
Deerhunter - Monomania
DJ Koze - Amygdala
Eve - Lip Lock
Fantasia - Side Effects of You
Ghostface - Twelve Reasons to Die
The Joy Formidable - Wolf's Law
Kitten - Cut It Out EP
Le1f - Fly Zone
Lusine - The Waiting Room
Steve Martin and Edie Brickell - Love Has Come for You
Mavericks - In Time
Mindless Behavior - All Around the World
My Bloody Valentine - mbv
Pantha du Prince & the Bell Lab - Elements of Light
Britta Persson - If I Was a Band My Name Would Be Forevers
Pissed Jeans - Honeys
Relatives - The Electric Word
Dawn Richard - Goldenheart
Ulrich Schnauss - A Long Way to Fall
Marnie Stern - Chronicles of Marnia
Shugo Tokumaru - In Focus?
The Spinto Band - Cool Cocoon
STRFKR - Miracle Mile
Vali - Kiss the Sky EP
Kanye West - Yeezus
Betty Who - The Movement EP

Nervous Finger-Tapping [tap. tap.]
Atoms for Peace - LOL SUPERGROUP Brown Bird - Fits of Reason
A Giant Dog - Bone
Jamie Lidell - s/t
Lisa Loeb - No Fairy Tale
Demi Lovato - Demi
The-Dream - IV Play
Vampire Weekend - Modern Vampires of the City
V/A - Night Slugs Allstars Vol. 2

Imagining this spot on the table is actually your stupid FACE [TAP.]

Untapped [?]
V/A - Essential Love Songs of Burt Bacharach
Yo Ma Ma - Symptomology
Matias Aguayo - The Visitor

Depends on How You Define "Tapping"

The One Where I Post Mash-Ups (Or: Horsefart Lives!)

Horsefart lives

Hey, I have pretty little to say about music these days, except:

(1) Sleigh Bells are way better when they don't irk me w/ their clipping!
(2) School of Seven Bells continue to be amazing and Ghostory is probably their best album, nice balance btw. On!Air!Library! and the electronic stuff!
(3) Mixtapes are still a thing! Rick Ross! Elle Varner! Other people, probably!
(4) Cassie might actually have a new album out, which means I'll probably have to give a "Russell-Crowe-for-Gladiator"-style consolation first place in 2012 since I stupidly missed Cassie in 2006!
(5) I guess I should update Russell Crowe/Gladiator to Meryl Streep/Iron Lady!
(6) Oh hey, this is supposed to be about mash-ups, so I will note that basically my listening has started to approximate Kat Stevens's style, aka horsefart, which is now a genre!
(7)Oh hey, and I guess now's as good a time as any to say that I'm submitting a proposal to 33 1/3 this year and I highly encourage you all to do the same!

So, mash-ups:

(1) A.O. Stroff h/t's this pretty great "Set Fire to the Rain" mash-up.

(2) There's a whole album of LDR B.I.G. mash-ups that is not terrible!

(3) Sometimes people take one song and then they take another song and it sounds like a sort of new song, except it's very familiar! I have taken this approach at least three times in the past few months. I call the style "new-except-not-quite-new," a subgenre of horsefart:

(3i) Aaron Carter vs. LMFAO - Aaron's Party Rocking (+ download)
(3ii) 2NE1 vs. The Offspring - Come Out and K (this one is technically a SMASH-UP, get it?)
(3iii) Kreayshawn vs. Fatboy Slim - Gucci Gucci Skank

Feel free to use the comment section to spam me with passable-going-on-amazing K-pop mash-ups. HORSEFART LIVES.

RIP Leslie Carter, 1986 - 2012

Leslie Carter passed away earlier this month, an event that passed me by completely until Frank told me about it.

I don't like to read much into media exposure, but from watching the Carter family reality show, House of Carters, Leslie seemed extremely unhappy in her participation. There are rumblings of mental illness, and I won't indulge or speculate. That's a private concern.

But I will say that House of Carters might have been one of the more uncomfortable television viewing experiences of recent memory. I was probably one of the few people who watched the show specifically for Leslie. I knew her, and had written about her once, when she started publishing candidly about her family life (particularly the difficult relationship the Carters had with their parents, seen occasionally on the reality show) and defending her brothers against online rumors.

The key pieces to read about Leslie, though, are "companion pieces" of sorts. Metal Mike Saunders wrote a piece -- "Tween-Pop Suppressed!" -- about the entire Leslie Carter album, which was shelved before her only single ("Like Wow!") was released. He sent me a copy of the album on cassette tape, as was the style at the time, and I've listened to it a few times. It's quite good, as early-00s bubblegum goes, at least on par with Triple Image or some of the other Radio Disney B-listers. But I haven't listened to it in a while.

In that piece, Metal Mike also references a more disturbing article, "The Devil in Greg Dark," which describes how porn director Dark turned to the teenpop music video world in the early 00's. The video shoot profiled in that piece was Leslie Carter's "Like Wow!," and anyone who wants to decry shady practices in the music industry would do well to note that it's far more likely that exploitation happens in the videos than in the production of the music. A sample:

Because she is one of the Orlando Carters, there was reason to believe that Leslie would show up for the shoot in a manner befitting the Orlando Carters, which is to say rigorously and even pitilessly prepared.

Instead, she showed up with "issues," which is to say she showed up overweight. Leslie Carter is a big girl, and if there's anything little girls can't abide--if there's anything they fear as a rebuke to the possibilities of their own rapacity--it's the prospect of becoming a big girl, and so, despite their applause and their polite smiles, [DreamWorks executives] Frances and Goldie are uneasy, which is to say panicky. They spend a lot of time in hushed conference, trying to select slimming outfits and to devise flattering camera angles, or else speaking to Craig Fanning, who owns F.M. Rocks, the production company making the "Like, Wow!" video. Craig Fanning is the only person in the studio who did not applaud Leslie Carter's first turn in front of the camera.

Although he wears a white windbreaker and white Stan Smith tennis shoes, and although he has neatly cut red hair and a face full of freckles, he has hard, narrow eyes rigged for unsparing assessments, and his assessment of Leslie Carter's first take was this: It's not enough. She's not selling the song enough. She's not feeling it enough and not having enough fun. Leslie Carter has to do enough in front of the camera to overcome her issues, because the singers she is in competition with--Britney and Christina and Mandy and Jessica--have no issues to overcome. They are perfect. Their hair, their makeup, their clothes, everything is perfect. They are pros. You ask them to do something, they do it. They do not show up unprepared. They are not big girls, and now, because Leslie Carter is a big girl, everybody--from the Orlando Carters to Frances and Goldie to Craig Fanning--is counting on Gregory Dark to transform her more than she was able to transform herself. They are counting on Gregory Dark to make her beautiful, to make her commercially viable, to make her--somehow--perfect.

All I'll say is that "Like Wow!" continues to be one of my favorite bubblegum songs of the immediate post-Britney era, and that it's a real shame that the whole album was shelved. If I ever manage to get a copy of it, I'll share it here.

EDIT: Someone's shared the link on Mediafire.

I also didn't excerpt any of the disturbing stuff about the post-production "squeeze" effect they tried using in the video, which the author of the piece dubbed the "Skinnyizer":

Gregory's sitting in another room at the studio, behind a woman working to skinnyize images of Leslie Carter. There's an image of Leslie Carter on the monitor. She's wearing a pink top, and she has ... issues. Then the woman hits a button, clicks a mouse, and--blip!--she stretches, like an image transferred onto Silly Putty. Blip-bloop: Leslie has issues, and then she doesn't.

No one is safe in the Twittersphere anymore

STUPID SHIT INDEX!

Hey look, first song from Paris (sort of -- she's featured on the track, by Manufactured Superstars, and just recites a monologue over a house track) since the theme song to her BFF show, I think!



Prefer the Pierces' "Boring" for club ennui novelty, and prefer every other Paris Hilton song to this one, but since it doesn't seem to be a "Paris Hilton song," really, I can appreciate it as novelty music.