Superwheaties

Making compulsive half-year lists is good for you.

1/2 YEAR SUPERWHEAT

Albums
1. Marit Larsen - Under the Surface
2. The Veronicas - Secret Life of...
3. The Ark - State of the Ark
4. Amy Diamond - Still Me Still Now
5. BWO - Halcyon Days
6. Miranda! - Sin Restricciones
7. Phoenix - It's Never Been Like That
8. Arctic Monkeys - [Title]
9. Marie Serneholt - Enjoy the Ride
10. Pink - I'm Not Dead

Lurkers (11-20): Kristy Frank - Freedom; Lillix - Inside the Hollow; Meg and Dia - Something Real; Flyleaf - s/t; Dixie Chicks - Taking the Long Way; Katie Neil - EP; Marion Raven - Here I Am; Sonic Youth - Rather Ripped; YMCK - Family Music; Delays - You See Colours

Singles
1. The Veronicas - 4Ever
2. Marit Larsen - Only a Fool
3. Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana - Who Said
4. The Ark - One of Us Is Gonna Die Young
5. Miranda! - Don
6. Cansei de Ser Sexy - Let's Make Love Listen Death from Above
7. BWO - Chariots of Fire
8. Prince - Black Sweat
9. Lillix - Sweet Temptation
10. Delays - Valentine

Lurkers (11-20): Marit Larsen - Don't Save Me; Marie Serneholt - I Need a House; Miley/Hannah - Best of Both Worlds; Rihanna - S.O.S.; Nelly Furtado - Maneater; Morningwood - Nth Degree; Gnarls Barkley - Crazy; Persephone's Bees - Nice Day; Wigwam - Wigwam; Paris Hilton - Screwed

Duh, she's a ROCK STAR

Lindsay Lohan is a rock star. Her job is not to be "courteous" or punctual or to act like some sort of goody-goody golden child. She explores the depths of her drive to destruction and (co-)fashions timeless pop classics from her raw angst. RAW. ANGST. Historically, this has often required the use of drugs and alcohol and sleeping in on weekdays. Why won't you just let her EXPRESS HERSELF? You really think she's the first rock star to suffer from "heat exhaustion"?

This sounds suspiciously like Morgan Creek's battle cry in the unholy perpetuation of THE WAR ON LINDSAY.

PS - you people are TOTALLY UNINVITED to the War on Lindsay counterterrorism garden party.

Premature ChaffPost

My week of atonement/vacation isn't over yet but I thought I'd blog about a few things anyway.

1. Kristy Frank. New CD is called Freedom, she was previously featured on Darcy's Wild Life OST, a few Disney comps, and this here blog. The album (from what I've heard of it so far) is great. Great voice, score more points for bubblegum-rock tending toward country, not exactly Hannah Montana material but since that just got pushed back AGAIN to late October, this is the best we'll get so far. Don't have full art/liners yet so I can't comment on the production team, but will discuss in more detail when I have that info...this and Katie Neil will be getting more attention in next month's column. GET READY FOR A teenPOP QUIZ (GET IT?)! And my first Disney swag, mwahahahaha, don't worry the eds are sharing the wealth.

2. Hannah Montana. OCTOBER 24TH? This is bad news -- Miley's still going strong on RD (finally heard her competition, "Year 3000" by Jonas Brothers, much closer to the boyband Hanson comparisons and quite fun) but I can't imagine there being a game plan for pushing back the release date. I'm wondering if they're having difficulties getting it finished or something; this would have been a perfect summer release. Metal Mike Saunders with some context re: Lizzie McGuire/Hilary Duff:

the Lizzie/Hilary campaign was meticulously worked out between all parties involved.

I Can't Wait video (played on Disney Channel only) / and the Lizzie TV soundtrack in fall (?) 2002

full Xmas album (which i really like) Xmas 2002

the Why Not video , March 2003 which broke into MTV within 30 days i'm pretty sure the So Yesterday single/video early summer 2003

and the album, back-to-school purchase for every grade schooler in american late august 2003, went straight to #1 (its SECOND week...it bumped Mary J. Blidge which had higher 1st week sales, but not the 2nd week).

"Sweet 16 in Hawaii" special on the WB channel on her Sept (23?) birthday
then the sequence of club gigs (about 6 or 7 max) in late fall 2003 -- i saw santa cruz at a 1,000 head venue and it was great, loved the band

following by a full on arena tour early 2004 that did just great

from zero to 100 miles an hour in just 15 months or so

In comparison, the Hannah Montana timeline:

♥ March 24: "Hannah Montana" premieres, simultaneous introduction of "Best of Both Worlds" into the Radio Disney playlist.

♥ March 25-ish: "Best of Both Worlds" and "Who Said" (and underexposed "This Is the Life") all leak simultaneously to YouTube (presumably from Disney Channel sneak peeks; this was during a sans TV stretch).

♥ April-ish: "Who Said" makes it into RD rotation

♥ April through May: A bunch of talk and few live dates, no further material surfaces except a one-off for a Disneymania comp.

♥ June: Whole lotta nothin. The two released singles continue to climb the charts.

♥ July: Performance at the Radio Disney "Totally 10" concert. The one review I read reveals that Miley was lip-syncin'. Shockingly, no one cares.

♥ End of July: Still nothing. Album has by now been pushed back from its original date of early June to exactly SEVEN MONTHS after the premiere. September-November tour with (yuck) Cheetah Girls announced.

The trajectory isn't all that different than Lizzie/Hilary (Hannah will probably reach full speed around the one-year mark, start of season two maybe?), but they'll be stretching the two singles pretty thin by October. Although I still listen to them all the time, so who knows (hey, great cover band streaming tracks!). If the show had premiered in the fall season (does Disney Channel even recognize the network season system?), a Christmas release might have followed.

What might be happening is a further exclusion of Disney-bred pop acts from TRL land, which is somehow always on the verge of both combining with and separating from Radio Disney...Aly and AJ succeed on TRL with "Chemicals React" (still strikes me as strange that this is a breakthrough on the level of "Rush," maybe even surpassing it) but Miley doesn't stand a chance of leaving Disney any time soon. Which might be why they keep pushing it back; the show's still going strong and Miley/Mileyfans got nowhere else to go.

3. SKYE. Release date pushed back even later, at this point late October would probably be optimistic. I wouldn't be surprised if the album was pushed to 2007 and the Sweden single released end of 2006...just speculation, but that particular scenario sounds like the Veronicas release.

4. t.A.T.u. Started obsessing over them after the twin-pop column ran and I've been listening to Dangerous and Moving for about a week now. I need to get the other album; I'm interested to see the construction of the persona that they're clearly experimenting with, er, amusingly. Start with two statements of WE assertion, two women, TA and TU, first insisting it's all about us and then following the island utopia "All the Things She Said" to a strange, almost cartoonish end in outer space, the only place they can really be alone. Then some gender issues, back to the "I" in "He Loves Me(/She Loves Me)"...then hints at a tumultuous relationship, presumably between the girls themselves, then a weird reconciliation toward the end, shouting together but still hopelessly alone. Very self-conscious and very effective from within this strange and sort of beautiful character/entity they've created. Also, the music makes me do a wavey arm dance, even when I'm lying down.

5. Henry Miller. Finally coming around. Hat tip to Brie. Nice photo, too.

EDIT #1: New Hannah Montana Single, "Pump Up the Party" is "going for radio rotation." This means Radio Disney is going to start playing it on the radio many many times. But not as many as the other songs because (from what I've heard of it) it isn't very good.

EDIT #2: Insulted by this quote in the Times:

[Mizzzzzzzzz Aguilera] beat out Ms. Spears for the best new artist Grammy in 2000, but Ms. Spears, with her teasingly virginal persona and revealing Catholic schoolgirl costumes, was the bigger star.

Yes, girls aged approx. 8-16 all responded to Ms. Spears' "teasingly virginal persona and revealing...costumes" by purchasing her album. That sure explains it. It couldn't be that Christina's first album was INCREDIBLY BORING and had ONE GOOD SONG, making her one of the luckiest hacks in the hacktiverse. One of these days I'll write an essay.

Hindsight

...duality (bogus or not) is the main theme, but in Ryan/Sharpay's case the duality is externalized to actually limit the possibility of us being moved by any transformation resulting from them acknowledging inner conflict.

Yeeeeeeeeesh. No posts for at least a week, combination punishment and vacation.

SKYE SWEETNAM THINKS CHEYENNE KIMBALL SUCKS

YES SHE DOES.

No Skye news surfacing, she's presumably still yukkin' it up with Dr. Luke and Mad Max in L.A. So if the street date for the album is Oct. 3, that makes the single due...um, nowish. GET WITH THE PROGRAM PEOPLE.

Since no pictures with Skye + Luke + Max together are available, you'll have to edit Skye into this picture:



So why doesn't Skye Sweetnam like Cheyenne Kimball?

1. Because Cheyenne thinks that playing the guitar and co-writing her own songs is in and of itself a notable achievement, even when the songs the guitar is playing SUCK SUCK.

2. Because her song "One Original Thing" seems to disparage so-called "assembly-pop" while being a PALE IMITATION of the same. Which I figured out when I got the Aquamarine OST but in album context it's even clearer.

3. Because her reality show on MTV looks boring.

4. Because her new album sucks.

5. Because she is a rockist and probably has terrible taste in music.

6. Because she sucks WAY worse than Skye, who DOES NOT SUCK, and in fact NEGATIVE-SUCKS, which is to say NOT AT ALL, which is actually positive!

7. Because she wants everyone to know she wrote her own songs and it SOUNDS like she wrote them because they are AWFUL. But in fact she DIDN'T write her own songs all by her lonesome, and Kara what the hell are you doing on this album? Oh, getting paid for like second or third or fourth shelf. Lyrics are duller than Avril, and at least she had cool guitar parts, but Cheyenne has to play those too (allegedly) and can't even do that right! And I bet she didn't even play the guitar, I bet they got people to play and said "wait wait make it sound like some boring ass wannabe angst-rocker played that her very own self. It's too old, it's too good."

8. Because Stephen Thomas Erlewine likes this, even though Cheyenne Kimball is the Sufjan Stevens of teenpop!!!!!!


...Hold on a second, do you mean to tell me there's a Veronicas bonus track that actually makes reference to THE OTHER SISTER? (Not the Juliette Lewis movie...)

Look out brother, she's my sister/ Ain't stopped crying since you kissed her

Now, this could be the first lyric in the greatest song they've ever done. Unfortunately, the theme goes unexamined and the song gets stuck in a rut. Which is to say, it's kimballed, straight from the heart.



YOU CAN LISTEN TO MUSIC ON THE INTERNET NOW?

Veronicas - A Teardrop Hitting the Ground (YSI only)

Thanks for noticing me...

Eeyore on the set of "All the Things She Said"

1. Aw shucks, no comments for the twin-pop column that Emily cleaned up with just enough time to spare deadline-wise. There is no good writing, only good rewriting -- no, good editing. Editors get no respect, and copy editors really get no respect. That said, a grammatical error was edited into the essay...grrrr, I should write an angry letter.

Y'know, I'm thinking more and more about twin-pop, feeling that what I wrote still didn't really cut it...so I'm going to try to do a Youtube-heavy post at some point (links, not embedded players please) exploring the ways in which twin-pop is visually represented, whether or not it complements or is at odds with musical representation. That's one thing that was edited out of the column; twin-pop is aural, not visual, so references to "seeing double" were for the most part cut. That said, I hadn't seen the tATu video for "All the Things She Said" recently, if ever (pretty sure I've seen it before). But one thing that struck me is how the explicit lesbian performative aspects undermine the strange relationship being described in the song. The aspects of alone/together, the secret sharer stuff, come through in the lyrics and to some extent in the not-exactly-subtle video, but the kissing -- or at least the general audience response to the kissing -- makes the kiss itself the focal point, when it's the relationship that's most important in the song...this is about two women who are in love but can't express their love publicly. The voyeurs in the video are blank; they aren't getting off on it, merely witnessing it. The idea of the song isn't so much for the cage to disappear, but for it to be concealed. They want isolation, they just want private isolation. [EDIT: Ya know, I don't mean for my analysis of tATu to be entirely straightfaced, it's not like they aren't playing into the idea that audeiences will read this as provocative; I just kind of like the ideas that come from a straight, tongue-outta-cheek reading of "All the Things She Said," even if it's not a totally appropriate way of analyzing it...]

And yet the private is public; the struggle, whether or not it's literally tATu's struggle "outside" the persona, is a social struggle. Where M2M usually relegate any sexual attraction or animosity to subtext, tATu makes it the focal point of its persona (particularly in this song and video). It's not more or less effective than M2M, it just uses different tactics to convey ideas as old as twin-pop -- we struggle alone, together. That "sex" and "love" are for the most part indistinguishable in M2M's work suggests that they're close to tATu's subject matter, they just aren't ready for love/sex while tATu have been waiting for it, need it, but for whatever reason can't have it (not without flying to an island somewhere first). The point is that, whether onlookers are OK with it or not, they're in love with/want to have sex with each other -- tATu is in love with itself(/wants to have sex with itself? Hm...). But aren't the Veronicas in love with themselves? Isn't M2M? The "boys" are placeholders, pretty much without exception. That tATu's struggle is widely interpreted as a marketing ploy or baiting, or as something "fake" (as if one [or two] could actually "fake it" when consciously assuming a role -- even if it's supposed to be about "faking it," why isn't that a valid role? Ashlee is about faking it, Bob Dylan is about faking it, according to Paste) tends to reveal more about its audience than it does about tATu, who remain a confounding, fascinating performing entity -- and who also, for what it's worth, aren't particularly sexy.

2. Speaking of Paste, I finally picked it up to read koganbot's Bob Dylan piece. I'd love to see more about the Dylan/Ashlee connection in essay form, but the one reference was obviously enough for this essay. I appreciate that it refuted the article about Before the Music Dies, which sounds like a load of crap. The author sort of calls the film out, but I would have liked a more pointed challenge than, for instance, this:

[...]Shots of clumping teenage girls huddled outside an Ashlee Simpson show -- screaming and hugging each other, declaring undying devotion to their favorite singer -- are positioned as silly and ridiculous. Simpson may not be revolutionizing pop music, but it's awfully condescending to dismiss -- as Before the Music Dies does -- this adoration as any less legitmate or immediate than the glee Bob Dylan's fans feel.

There is much to be said about the disgraceful corporate practices that have systematically homogenized the airwaves, but it isn't the music that's being homogenized; it's the outlets for music. I would love to see (or make) a film about independently produced teenpop that demonstrates how all artists are excluded from radio's corporate hegemony, and that so-called "assembly-line pop" isn't created on an assembly line. And, incidentally, that much "non-assembly-line" pop is boring (maybe I'll eave that part out so as not to insult Dave Matthews or Erikah Badu). The idea that the limited playlist affects all performers supposedly comes through in the film, but I'm suspicious. I'll probably just save myself the agita and skip it.

Hey, Paste, did you know that one of your "artists to watch" has been in the RADIO DISNEY INCUBATOR? I don't mind (well, I sort of do, because Sonya Kitchell is the least interesting incubaTor artist ever featured on RD, but whatever), just thought you'd like to know.

3. Skimming over Tom Ewing's Popular has been great, I'm sorry I missed out for so long. Seems like it might make a nice book compilation one day (massive undertaking, but probably worth it), comments included, maybe as footnotes or something, or a comment highlights appendix. As I read over some of these entries, I can't help but dwell on how difficult it is for me to write about music, I always feel like I'm hopelessly scrambling at catching up. I would like to try a copycat project, though, where I discuss the Radio Disney Top 30 since '96 (not nearly as daunting), but I'm not sure that there's a definitive chart guide. I think Mediabase might provide the info I'd need, but it wouldn't match online results.

4. It's official: no cigars for the Pipettes or Lily Allen. Cigar to Lillix. Processing Scott Walker (destined never to emerge from "processing," I think) and the Guillemots. Still not seeking a heckuva lot of albums, hmmmm... [EDIT: Well, I just got Cheyenne Kimball and Nerina Pallot and Kristy Frank, so we'll see. Albums are starting to slowly pile up...]

'Cause I'm looking through the yearbook then I find that empty Myspace

Oh man, the past two installments have been 100% friended-me-first artists, no searching necessary. Y'all make it too easy.


EDIT: LAST MINUTE INCLUSION!


Aiana

I'm sorry, but I couldn't in good conscience let this go by another week. Delightful Swedish novelty single, "Popcorn Boy" by Aiana. Circus music still has so much to offer Swede-pop...so very silly. So very great.



Joanna

Joanna friended me several months ago and I was pretty sure I wrote about her then. But no. Her new album's on Geffen and she's streaming a cover of "Screaming Infidelities" by Dashboard Confessional, which answers the age-old question "What would Dashboard Confessional sound like if sung by the Wreckers?" Answer: better than Dashboard, but still shy of a good song. I will one day figure out why oh why Hollywood Records has chosen Joanna to include with their own stable artists on one of their transparent PR "entertainment sites."



Nicole M. Willard

I want to say that the goth elements in these songs stand out, and then I remember that I don't actually know anything about goth, except what I've heard of it from Kelly Clarkson (and maybe Cradle of Filth or something in college). "Call My Name" sounds harder than Linkin Park (which it maybe sounds a little like?) but she's not afraid of layering on some harmonies. Nicole sez: "Ummm.... kind of Nine Inch Nails meets New Kids On The Block." Not quite, but that's the spirit maybe. Both ref's need updating, maybe Evanescence meets the Veronicas? Can't tell if her BSB "influence" is sarcastic or not (it's not that far off, even if she means it to be).



Kim Kline

D-don't stop the angst-rock, sort of Gwen Stefani vocals with music that seems to be swinging between Red Hot Chili Peppers and teenmetal. At least RHCP comes through in the guitar line to "Karma," which isn't as good a karma song as Jena Kraus' "Both Dads R Dead Dogs," which doesn't actually use the word "karma."



Eleventyseven

Well, someone finally wrote the pop-punk Myspace anthem. It's these guys. Kind of stupid, something to the effect of "the only thing 'real' about you is your MYSPACE? GET A LIFE!" Not the most effective message to convey in the song designed to get your boring-ass band noticed on MYSPACE. "God, this whole site is so phony and so are you! ADD ME!" If that guy thinks his Hanson shirt is funny or something, he clearly hasn't met the Jonas Brothers. BOY BAND IS THE NEW PUNK! Wait, no, punk is the new boy band.



Jami Ross

Pretty good Michelle-style lilting lite confessional. "Confused" is the competent "Complicated" wannabe, the others are pretty good, too. This is the first time I've seen Flyleaf listed as an influence (I kind of wish it came through more). Jami Ross is a little late for this style...might explain the new-waved dancey number "Situation," getting closer to the new Lillix album but too powerpop to be emo.



Mischa Stimac

Hawaiian teenpop that is not HOKU. I'm a sucker for this stuff, even though I rarely like it! Must be something about the climate that compels artists to write very slow, very pleasant, very non-Hawaiian-sounding songs. Decent slow breathy adult contempo balladeering, doesn't register for me but would probably sound OK in a romantic comedy soundtrack.



Joanie Leeds

A little bit of Skye Sweetnam, sharp but not as sharp as Skye (or Katie Neil). "Bad Girl" joins of the ranks of several other bad girl songs, a touch of Amy Studt in the big-for-britches chorus "don't make me out to be some stupid innocent adolescent instrument."



Faces Without Names

Apparently an up-and-comer on the Camplified tour, where Skye and Fefe and a few others got their start. Nice idea, an extensive summer camp tour...nothing particularly notable about the music (twin/M2M alert: in "Versions of You," singer laments that she has to choose between, YES, two versions of you!), but there is a notable online contest. NAME THE FACES WITHOUT NAMES! THEY'RE JUST FACES! THEY HAVE NO NAMES! SO GIVE THEM NAMES! (Details under "contest" at their site.)

My choices:

Faces With Names
J.J. TAN (first intials rearranged)
Radiohead
Pink Bulldozer
The Kelly 5 ('cuz influences = Kelly + Maroon 5!)
The Quints (first album: Quintpop)

Next week: genetically engineered teenpop!

Don't Say You(tube) Love Me

For your viewing pleasure, ten takes on "Don't Say You Love Me" by M2M, featured prominently in an upcoming column on twin-pop that I may expand on here, especially since seeing Marion Raven's video for "End of Me," which uses every visual trick in the book to make it look as though there are two or more of her. But no! Marion's persona is unified and confident; she's gone in the same diva direction she displays in (at least) one video here, where she basically flaunts her new pipes while Marit takes on the role of bandleader.

Here's the playlist link.



1. "Don't Say You Love Me" original audio and video

The Pokemon tie-in is pretty forced, the video is pretty fun. Even in their first video, Marion is positioned as the "primary" member M2M, with Marit standing off to the side. Or maybe the guitar just didn't fit in the car.

2. "Don't Say You Love Me" original video, acoustic audio

Pretty seamless swap of a later acoustic version of "DSYLM" with the original video. Significant for providing a link between M1 (to Marit's M2, far more difficult to distinguish their voices) and MARION RAVEN. This acoustic version was included on an import version of Shades of Purple (I think) and the M's voices cease to blur. Marion tries to steal the show but hasn't quite succeeded in overpowering Marit yet...

3. "Don't Say You Love Me" original video, karaoke audio!

This is so much fun! I sang along to it three times today already!

4. Interview: Marit and Marion discuss the "Don't Say You Love Me" video shoot.

Holy jeez, they are YOUNG. Have tensions already begun to rise? Why does Marion get to hold the mic?

5. "Don't Say You Love Me" backstage at a Toronto concert

Lovely impromptu acoustic performance. This relates somewhat to a theory I'v been trying to develop, that one thing that twin-pop, or maybe double-pop or duality-pop or secret sharer-pop, does is (appear to) prove the sort of "authenticity" the R-word demands. Part of the attraction is that they're singing at the same time -- there's (seemingly) nothing to hide, no overdub trickery required for harmonies. And beyond that, several twin-poppish groups play their own instruments -- M2M, Aly and AJ, Smoosh -- what more do you people want??? CANONIZE THESE GIRLS!

6. Marit Larsen performs "Don't Say You Love Me" solo

Already shared this one, but here it is again. Funny that Marit can get away with this cover and Marion probably couldn't touring her solo material.

7. "Don't Say You Love Me" live

Don't know where this is, but a pretty good performance. Marion tries to hype the crowd while Marit strums diligently. Cuts off before the last note, reminds me of a funny bit my dad did when we were kids, sing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" but at the "1-2-3 strikes you're out" part, skip "1" and hit the final "old ball game" a note early. Hilarity ensues.

8 and 9. Obligatory webcam singalong

Is there a buzzword for this phenomenon yet? Funny, in these two videos we get a pair of Marions (8) and a pair of Marits (9). Actually, they get the dynamic about right in the first video, but Marit's showing off a little too much (best moment is when they pick up a clock for "give me some time," second place is cradle motion for "you don't even know me baby").

10. "Don't Say You Love Me" by Sandy & Junior

WELL ARE THEY TWINS OR AREN'T THEY? NB: This is not the M2M song. I'm guessing the guy is Junior, he seems to be singing the higher parts!

Miley Faces

Determine the relationship between the quantities in Row A and Row B and choose one of the following:

A if the quantity in Row A is greater.
B if the quantity in Row B is greater.
C if the two quantities are equal.
D if the relationship cannot be determined from the information given.

Row A: The sum of the positions of Miley Cyrus' two released singles on the Bedbugs Official Singles List (unpublished)

Row B: The sum of the positions of Gnarls Barkley's two released singles on the Bedbugs Official Singles List (unpublished)

HOW TO CRACK IT!

Careful! You'll be tempted to answer choice "D" for this question, since the Singles List results are supposedly "unpublished." But that would be pretty easy, wouldn't it? A little too easy -- so you know that "D" is probably not the correct response. But let's work it out on our scratch paper.

Now we know without doing any math whatsoever that both "Best of Both Worlds" and "Who Said" have been categorized as CREAM OF WHEAT brand singles (see Appendix A). We also know that only one Gnarls Barkley single, "Crazy," has been listed under any wheat distinction.

If we can assign a rough value of 1-10 for Cream of Wheat singles and 10-20 for Whole Wheat singles, we can conservatively estimate that the maximum possible value of Miley singles is 19 (9th plus 10th place, or 9 + 10), whereas the minimum possible value of Gnarls Barkley singles is 11.

Again, no math is actually required for this question. Since "Smiley Faces" is nowhere to be seen on the given list of this year's potential best singles, we can, again conservatively, assume its placement to be somewhere between 500 and ASS-END. Without using any math whatsofuckingever, we have determined that Gnarls Barkley has a higher combined position value than Miley Cyrus.

Watch your last step!

Remember, you need to figure out the POSITION VALUE ONLY. This is a question of quantity, not quality, so even though a year-end point system would make answer "A" the right choice, the position numbers tell us that Gnarls Barkley is, for the purposes of this question and this question only, of greater value than Miley Cyrus. Don't get frustrated and DON'T CHALLENGE THE TESTMAKERS! Because you can't bridge that employment gap without a higher degree.

The correct answer is B.

If you need further help with this practice question, refer to Appendix B, located in the comment thread below.

Ashlee Live and N Sync

Oh man, here we go...

1. Walked to Ross' place for an excellent pre-show dinner and overheard the following exchange between two scalpers as I walked past the Electric Factory (w/ Autobiography on the iPod):

Scalper 1: Tickets! Sellin' tickets!

Scalper 2: Man, that guy's coming home from work with a backpack! Use your head!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

2. Ate dinner w/ the gangg, listened to Getz/Gilberto and the Veronicas in alternating tracks, kind of a trip. RIP V's tour. When asked about other good dinner albums, I listed Getz/Byrd, which was a cop-out, I guess. I like the version of "Desafinado" on Getz/Byrd better and I think that song was playing, or maybe "When It All Falls Apart."

3. Walk up to the venue as Ashley Parker Angel finishes "Soundtrack to Your Life"...perfect timing! Effusive greeter duct tape-labeled "greeter" greets us. Some band gives us their CD and tells us to burn it (Ross: "I guess we'll decide how later," ha!).

4. Pay a crapload of money. Oh well.

5. Enter to a barely half capacity crowd. Apparently Belle and Sebastian packs the place. We start off standing in the back with all the parents. Emily points out small children and makes "aww" faces. Emily, re: Ashley w/ head down, back to the audience, arms outstretched with guitar signs: "JESUS POSE!"

6. APA does a bit about Myspace: "You guys, I am seriously addicted to Myspace!" The crowd goes wild, looks like everyone has a Myspace except MY LOSER FRIENDS. Kind of surprised at the responses for Ashley, lots of screaming and "I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABY" from girls clearly not old enough to have anyone's babies! Demographic range was all over the map...youngest was probably 6 or so, oldest (aside from parents) were the weird 21+ people in the upstage bar area, mean age somewhere around 14/15? The bar area was divided almost in half by old older oldest fans and fake ID'd high school kids. For most of the concert we stood behind twins (!) who could have been anywhere between 11 and 16, the tall, incredulous, view-obstructing bf of one or both of them looked older, was not amused ever. Ross asked them something (what the intermission music was, I think...Michelle Branch and Santana, weird) and I secretly hoped they would break into song.

7. Oh wait, the rest of APA. "I'm so glad my mom was a piano teacher, she really blah blah blah. So in a lot of songs, I've tried to emphasize the piano elements." Cue piano elements, Ashley croons solo. Emily: "This is kind of boring, isn't it?" Yes. I think the band was the same as on TRL, fauxhawk dude (well, the 'hawk was real, but HE was kinda faux) + Tenacious D T-shirt dude + drummer. In the middle is perfect-hair Ashley, the Norse god of metrosexuality. (Hm, that joke didn't work last night, either...) They ask the audience to sing along to "Message in a Bottle," boring cover anyway, and I think most of the audience was mystified (isn't this the song mom sings along to in carpool?) "Let U Go" almost brought down the house, but he didn't sing the money note! Same as the Veronica's money note..."you said FOREVEEEEEEEEEERRRRR." Hey, I want my life savings back!

INTERMISSION: OMG, someone is going out to lunch with ASHLEE tomorrow! Or was it ASHLEY? Or maybe it was just plain old Ashley.

8. The black curtain opens and there's a nice set-up, large staircases on both sides of a raised platform decked out with fake candles and projection screen, five-piece band on the ground floor plus two back-up singers. Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite comes on and tells everyone to vote for him, not the world's greatest hype man. Ashlee enters to some Halloween fanfare and goes into "Boyfriend." Is she lip syncing? WAITING FOR THE SNEEZE!

9. I'm not sure why I was so obsessed with the lip syncing bit. Was it all canned? Was it partially live and partially recorded? Skeptical during "Burnin' Up" but "Autobiography" kicked enough ass to make me not care, and by "Shadow" she'd messed up once, proving definitively it was 100% Ashlee. Didn't see her first tour for comparison (hard to get a feel for it from Youtube), but her singing was great for the whole performance, except maybe two ballads where she was a little off.

10. Ashlee giggles a lot. Total goofball, doesn't even dance, really, but does more of a cross-stage jig a la SNL but less heartbreaking. "You ever wake up and have one of those days where, like, everything you say is just...off? I'm totally having one of those! Hahahahaha..." She seems to be having a good time. Thanks us for coming out, looking back at the half-empty club I feel kind of off.

11. Nice (brief) cover of "Sweet Dreams," Ashlee in top hat. Later, wearing a sort of French maid/farmhand/fishnet number: "it's so much fun playing dress-up!" Emily: "She's not sexy; she's a little sister. And with her hair long like that she looks just like Jessica."

12. Forget the set list, but she played "In Another Life" (sounded great), acoustic "Beautifully Broken" (only ballad that sounded great), "Catch Me When I Fall" and "Undiscovered" also acoustic (eek and sorta-eek...whoa, it DOES sound like "taste of Marcus on your lips"), "Eyes Wide Open," and OMG she played "Love Me for Me"! The squeal/shriek left something to be desired, but the song was a highlight. She also covered the song that Jessica Rabbit sings in the night club, completely devoid of sexitude (but fun in a little sister sorta way).

13. Pre-encore finale was "La La," best I've ever heard it live (again, Youtube isn't much of a comparison), then after a brief applause break she returned with "L.O.V.E." and "Pieces of Me." The band had hand gestures that emphasized the coded IM in the chorus..."L-O-L-O-L-O-L-O-L-O..." The last song had an accompanying slideshow...alas, no signs of John or Kara. Ashlee was kissing someone on the beach, though. Didn't look very sexy (Ross and/or Emily(?): "I'm sure she's had sex...but she probably hasn't had good sex").

14. My ears are still ringing and I'm broke. This is why I never leave the house!!!

EDIT: Ashley/Ashlee just cancelled their next two PA shows, presumably due to lack of ticket sales. A little upsetting, but I'm glad I got a chance to catch them on tour...

I AM LIVE

OMG.

1. ASHLEE/ASHLEY IN T MINUS A BUNCH OF HOURS. My first concert since...jeez, ever, it feels like. Of course, there's a chance I'll miss this one, too, depending on the ticket situation, but apparently Ashlee's shows have been getting less than 50% attendance. Insert frowny talking smiley. (HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, YOU GIRLS ARE SO MEAN!) I'll report back if everything goes well, or goes.

2. In response to something that someone (Dom Passantino?) said on an ILM thread that I can't find now...what to call people who are quick to assert their love of The Pop so long as it's indie-approved (he was referring to the Pipettes or Lily Allen or both). Well, I know people who like both acts regardless of indie acceptance, but I still think he has a point. I think the term might be "good indie rockists," after Ghassan Hage's critique of "good white nationalists" and Australia's multicultural policy, which defines all non-whites as welcomed "others" fit to "share" an implicitly white space. The good indie rockists want to be musically all-inclusive, provided that "indie" is not disturbed from the center of the music universe or discourse or whatever.

"Good indie rockists" have replaced "evil indie rockists" (I'm only using it to match Hage's term...but it's probably unfair to compare pop hatas to right-wing extremists, so [/grain of salt]) by creating a pseudo-inclusive musical fantasy that doesn't challenge the "indie" category. Instead, everyone can be indie; indie can encompass all varieties of music (I've said this myself to illustrate that using, say, Michael Azerrad's definition of indie, almost all Myspace teenpoppers are "indie." Most of them say so on their pages, but in part that's because it's pretty much their only option -- so Myspace perpetuates the language of the good indie rockists!).

OK, no need to follow this too much further (yet). I dwell on it because a friend of a roommate was over for dinner the other night and, upon seeing the Britney poster I put on our fridge, said something to the effect of "oh, loving pop music...that's kind of 'in' now, right?" Well...yeah. But a stamp of approval isn't the same thing as a structural shift in the ways in which pop music is actually discussed or written about. Good indie rockists allow the stamp to substitute the shift because there's no way to call bullshit on a particular good indie rockist paragon without including plenty of people who love Lily Allen and the Pipettes without caring whatsoever about their relationship to indieness -- and that's valid. Since there's no way to tell the difference anyway, people "calling out" Lily Allen or the Pipettes not for being [insert neutral aesthetic judgment: boring comes to mind] but for actually being EVIL sound rash and conspiratorial. And paranoid, which is something I'm just going to have to deal with.

3. So is it a good idea to write a paper with Laura on High School Musical and try to get it into the EMP conference? Hmmmm.

4. TWIN-POP INFILTRATES POLAND!

From NYT:

Already weakened by coalition squabbles and disagreements with the European Union, President Lech Kaczynski of Poland announced over the weekend that on Monday he would appoint his twin brother and longtime political partner, Jaroslaw, to succeed Prime Minister Kazimierz Marcinkiewicz, according to the Polish news agency PAP.

Move over Sammy and Sasha...

Aly and AJ fans unite to destroy all bedbugs!

As promised, here are the best (i.e. all) of the responses I've received for this rambling post from September, something I wrote in reaction to Aly and AJ's Into the Rush.

First, mandatory links: new jukebox , working on a column on twin-pop and might do one exclusively on Platinum Weird (ad campaign, etc...over at Radosh.net, the delectable conspiracy theory in the comments thread is that this whole project is designed to "trick" VH1 Classic boomers into loving teenpop without realizing it; how could someone admit to liking PW without also liking Ashlee?). But that might be more of a summer overview, since I'd like to cover some of the albums/promos I've been getting, too. Predictably, it's much more pleasant to correspond with artists through Myspace than through a PR company.

ALY AND AJ FANS UNITE

Anonymous emailer:

I think that you're really off about what you said about ALY & AJ!!!!!!! Because who CARES what their religion is!!!!!! My friend and I actually believe in the same faith! And they're GREAT girls that LOVE GOD!!!

Well, I think their religion is important to the extent that they make it important. One Christian review of Into the Rush I read calls the girls' expressed faith into question, basically saying that the pop "you" is too ambiguous and un-capitalized.

"Elizabeth":

I think Skye Sweetnam needs to shut up! First of all, what is wrong with kids-or anybody-being Christians? Second of all, Aly and AJ's lyrics are not disturbing. They are merely singing about many topics kids face these days. Especially getting kidnapped. Tons of kids are getiing abducted every day! Skye Swwetnam is just a little miss I Think I Know It All. Well, guess what, Skye, you don't know it all. And, Aly probably emphasized on 'I am one of them' because she was shy and self-conscious. So, Skye, just stay out because millions of kids, over 5,000,000 to be exact, love Aly and AJ. I personally just think you're jealous of all the attention they're getting!

This person seems to have mistaken me for Skye Sweetnam, who, as far as I know, has not expressed any stance on Aly and AJ. Yes, "tons of kids" are abducted, but not by complete strangers. The kind of "alertness" Aly and AJ are supporting is unfounded paranoia that's based on media sensationalism, not statsitics. From the very same missing children's site they list in their liners:

The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children does not ascribe to the "stranger-danger" message. We have learned that children do not have the same understanding of who a stranger is as an adult might; therefore, it is a difficult concept for the child to grasp. It is much more beneficial to children to help them build the confidence and self-esteem they need to stay as safe as possible in any potentially dangerous situation they encounter rather than teaching them to be "on the look out" for a particular type of person. The "stranger-danger" message is not effective and, based on what we know about those who harm children, danger to children is greater from someone they or their family knows than from a "stranger."

So there.

From "Victoria":

well, I'm not sure if you are aware of this fact, but Disney has often played artists that are believers in Christ, just like they play agnostics and atheists, supposedly.

If you think Disney has some agenda other than making money, (eg: religious motivation) I highly doubt that. if you would like I can find out for you! :0) Friend's fiance is the daughter of ABC/Disney's CFO... (long connection, I understand)

As far as A&A's parents encouraging them to write distrubing songs... Really - even heard of Marilyn Manson. Come on!

What's wrong with the girls being Christians and putting that in their music?

Rappers rap about their lifes, be it struggles, on the street, whatever. Do you have a problem with the girls' faith or the fact that Disney isn't so biased as to discriminate against girls who have values as opposed to "not so innocent" Britney?

Any 6-14 year old is going to have to be pretty diserning (sp?) to figure out that Aly & AJ are like "JESUS IS THE WAY!!" with lyrics as cryptic as theirs.

I don't want to keep going, lol. Your post had enough words for the both of us!

Be blessed,
vic

Sure, I'd love to have a few words with ABC/Disney's higher-ups! A&A's faith doesn't necessarily explicitly define the content of their songs (don't think I ever said it did, although it could, time will tell). Almost all major teenpop artists are openly Christian (as open as their liner notes, anyway), which maybe makes all their songs agnostic? Don't think it exists yet, but I'd love to hear an atheist teenpop song! It would fit nicely into the teenpop-emo trend (Meg/Dia, not Panic! variety). I'd also love to hear more teenpop exploring guilt or conflict resulting from fame and wealth. As far as I know, P!nk is the only one to even attempt to articulate this conflict, but she likes to fall back on "hard work" to evade hard(er) questions. The guilt of privilege! Come on, middle class angst, let's hear it!

From "Emma":

im sorry im not quite understanding what ur saying if you dont like them or do?

Good question! No idea, sorry!

From "Laura":

U have nare loser

What?

From "Laura" again:

You are the most shallow person in the world you spinless feak how dare you ever talk like that about aly and aj they are inspirational in so many ways.They have good meaanings to their songs and love god which i do as well! aly and aj rock and are two inossent teenageras who wright songs about what is actully happening oin the world and not some superficial life of how everything is just dandy! They talk abouut what is happening. They are not talking a bout I as in them but rverybody when you sing the song you as well are saying I am one ogf them and anybody in the whole worl could be abducted and it is good kids know this becxause it could happen when they least expect it. They greatly respect their mother so her name is long thats why it is C. MIchalka. Do you know anything about them about thier family, pets, life, what their house like what they like to do, what other careers they do and what other shows they have been on. No you dont ytou are just some jerk of the strret who loves to get some info on some new comer and dis them so everyone hates them well guess what a million people love aly and aj and know what they are about so stay out of what you know and dont know and apperently its aly and aj! Is all that comes out of your mouth trash about someone? R you a bully in this whole blog well you are! I hate anyone like you! you are the people who sits around and do nothing but to sabatouge someones reputation and onse you done that you move on out of them you find the most mior things and just pick at it! Like their christion omg thats sooooooooo bad so you get people to say like stuff about it and then you cause stuff. They will not go down because one idiot out of millions of people in the world decided to stand up and dis someone! You can dis anyone you like ill fend for them they sing sticks and stone so there! Everybody has idols yours may be satin but mine and my friend are Aly and Aj!So go find your self a life and get writ!

Those aren't typos; it's poetry. "Find yourself a life and get writ" is inspiring! I hope I get the chance to someday use "Everybody has idols. Yours may be satin."

From "mAGIE":

UR RETARTED

tr.v. Chiefly British tart·ed, tart·ing, tarts

To dress up or make fancy in a tawdry, garish way. Often used with up.

Which means that "retarted" would be to "dress up or make fancy in a tawdry, garish way after having already de-tarted." (Consider yourself retorted! HA!)

From "Lauren":

I've been listening to this album for the past few weeks, and I can see what you're saying about the lyrics, but I don't understand what you're getting at. Are you alarmed about the fact that they're Christians, and they're influencing the listeners of Radio Disney? In what way is that a bad thing? I certainly didn't pick up on the religious undertones from just listening to their songs without any background information on the duo. Since I'm 18, I don't think a lot of young kids will either.

As for their lyrics, the messages you're attempting to derive from them are a little too deep for the genre. Fear mongering? It seems like they're simply letting kids know what's out there with "I Am One of Them." "Sticks and Stones" is empowering, and lets young people know that you'll be alone if you continue to bully everyone around you. Vindictive? Hardly. I didn't get that impression at all, but I'm not trying to look for some insidious disturbing message in their youthful and somewhat naive lyrics. Catchy? Certainly. That's why they have such an eminently listenable album. Disney produces fun message music that's doesn't seem to have enough substance to amount to anything harmful.

Thoughtful response, and I think I agree with most of it. Maybe I'm just a big hater after all. You've also provided Disney with a parental disclaimer ("fun message music that doesn't have enough substance to amount to anything harmful") that is probably far superior to anything they would ever write. Which means they should hire BOTH of us!

EDIT: WTF alert! Reminds me of someone...log cabin lolz.

you guys are sooooo mean......I LISTEN TO ALY AND AJ AND THERE MUSIC IS AWESOME!!! they have every right to have things about god in there songs!!! THERE MOM IS A CHRISTIAN SINGER! and besides they are growing up and they can have WHATEVER they want tin there songs!And your comment..they shouldne be concerned about the topics of kidnappingn and bullying and all that??wtf they can be if they want the are kids! they may get bullied and they need to be worried about getting kidnapped alot of kids get kidnapped daily! so u need to really shut tfup you dont have ANY say in what they sing about...it is there music....and they arent any ppl bad..i talk to them on msn all the time and they are super nice./..imagine if see what u are saying about them! u no what go die somewhere in your little log cabin!!

ChaffPost: Birthday Dad Edition!

Since some people would rather play tennis than hang out with me, I guess I'll do a quick chaff-post.

1. Happy Birthday, Dad! [note: not chaff!]

2. I finally watched High School Musical. It was cute! I knew all of the songs except one, which ended up being my favorite! "What I've Been Looking For," much better in its pre-reprise version, the dolled up one show-off Sharpay twins do. Not sure what sort of solo career Ashley Tisdale or Vanessa Anne Hudgens has ahead of her...Ashley could fit the Hilary anonymous-whatever mold, except Hilary's still in that mold (unless Disney does a performing talent swap every two to three years, not like Matt Gerrard or whoever else [recognized a Lucy Woodward writer, too] is going anywhere). Vanessa has less charisma as a performer and seems to do best in ballad country, not really a strong suit in homegrown Disney cross-platform land (most ballads are still imported from Billboard, along with Daniel Powter, WHAT THE HELL, KIDS).

The only thing notable about the movie, aside from the weak subtext of adolescent sexual ambiguity (bi-curricularity!) that was actually more endearing than it was subversive (or whatever), was that EVERYONE in this movie is rich. Even the basketball coach has a mansion! (Maybe mom is an IP lawyer for the Diz.)

3. I've been getting a lot of email and comments about an old September post I wrote about Aly and AJ back when I first heard the album. Please keep death threats at a minimum (or was that just a Miley Cyrus fan?). I will post the best responses, ranging from thoughtful to unintelligible, soon.

4. I'm struggling to find albums from this year I'm even interested in looking for, let alone listen to and evaluate. Please help!

5. Finally found that Snook song here after looking for it forever. Kinda fun!

6. Very belated, but I should link to this Toy-Box special from Don't Stop the (Dansk) Pop, which will be added to the blogroll soon-like. I might write something about Aneela's solo project (Daughters) later.

7. I'm giving the Leslie Carter single to Ross because he correctly named the last mislabeled song, TIK N' TAK, also because I save on postage that way. Apologies to all other worthy contenders. I'm going kind of acrostic crazy these days, probably because of Anthony Burgess's autobiography. Pre-emptive apology to my step-mom if tomorrow's Taylor Hicks blurb actually runs.

8. Someone just wrote this over on ILM:

99% of all music is boring and dull irrespective of corporate origins unless you are some nascent child molestor who fancies teen pop.

I would just like to point out that this person technically just said he/she does not think teenpop is boring. Welcome to the wonderful world of teenpoptimism! Soon to be known as emo enthusiasm!

9. Which is to say, I like this Meg and Dia album a lot. Best track is "Indiana," completely revamped from the Myspace demo version. Will write about it (the album) later.

EDIT: 9 1/2. Egregious overlook on my half-year singles list: "Black Sweat" by Prince. Probably around #4-5 for the year so far.

10. Bye! Happy Fourth!

Chaff n' a Haff Updatez

For all y'all not otherwise keeping track of these sorts of things, you can see my updated yearly lists at Chaff and a Half. I finally have a half-decent top ten pool for albums, about on par with last year when -- in part because I hadn't heard some of 2005's best albums yet -- I rounded out my list with two or three albums I haven't listened to since. For the record, Rachel Stevens and Hope Partlow probably would make a current best of '05 list, with Brie Larson and Miranda Lambert somewhere close.

So far Marit Larsen is the clear leader in albums with no clear #2. Marie Serenholt, the Veronicas, and BWO are 5-10 material, the rest closer to a 10-20 spot in a good year. Haven't heard a lot of albums, though, so this will likely change during the year-end scramble down the line.

Singles have been more promising, and I've listed a bunch of them. The other day I reorganized into three tiers -- on the singles jukebox scale, Cream of Wheat is a 9-10, Whole Wheat is an 8-9, and Half Wheat is 7-8. Top single hasn't really asserted itself yet, so right now it's between "Maneater," "4ever," and "Don't Save Me." 4-10 would be (in no order) Cansei Ser de Sexy "Let's Make Love Listen Death from Above," BWO "Temple of Love" (also love "Chariots of Fire," might even prefer it), Miley's "Who Said" (probably to be trumped finally by "Best of Both Worlds" on a submitted list, but I like them equally and personally prefer the second single), Lillix "Sweet Temptation," Rihanna "SOS," Marie Serneholt "I Need a House," and, if it counts, "Don" by Miranda. Fighting for 10: Gnarls Barkley "Crazy," Delays "Valentine," Sugababes "Red Dress," Persephone's Bees "Nice Day," Jonas Bros. "Mandy," Fefe Dobson "Don't Let It Go to Your Head," and Lily Allen "LDN."

It's been very difficult for me to track down 2006 albums, and harder for me to listen. Not sure if it's because (1) there's a weak crop of albums, (2) this year most of my most reliable new music sources have been cut off, (3) I'm not really paying attention, or (4) it's only halfway through the year. Probably all of the above.

Out of town for the 4th so I'll be back around Wednesday or so. Last thing, I totally beat Radio Disney to the punch with IQ Girls, who just got incubated.