Baby rub it down and make it smooth like lotion -- German heartthrob Hendrik Weber, known to fans around the globe as Pantha du Prince, slides into a smooth victory at #14 on C4B's 2007 Hot List and #1 on our 2007 Hottie List! Watch out, Zac Efron, this baby-faced techno post-minimalist is poised to take the pop world by storm!
THE HOT LIST!
1st Tier (1-20) 01. M.I.A. - Kala 02. Britney Spears - Blackout 03. Miranda Lambert - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend 04. Gogol Bordello - Super Taranta 05. Various - Hyphy Hitz 06. Ashley Monroe - Satisfied 07. Hilary Duff - Dignity 08. Kelly Clarkson - My December 09. Tegan and Sara - The Con 10. Aly and AJ - Insomniatic (+ bonus tracks) 11. Lil' Wayne - The Carter 3 12. A-Trak - Dirty South Dance 13. Low - Drums and Guns 14. Pantha Du Prince - This Bliss 15. Modest Mouse - We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank 16. LCD Soundsystem - Sound of Silver 17. R. Kelly - Double Up 18. Radiohead - In Rainbows 19. Spoon - Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga 20. Keke Palmer - So Uncool
Second Tier (21-30) Amerie - Because I Love It Arcade Fire - Neon Bible Digitalism - Idealism Dizzee Rascal - Maths + English Feist - The Reminder The Fratellis - Costello Music Lucky Soul - The Great Unwanted MIA - Bittersuss Rihanna - Good Girl Gone Bad Marnie Stern - In Advance of the Broken Arm
Second-and-a-Half Tier (31-40) Vanessa Carlton - Heroes & Thieves Chromeo - Fancy Footwork Ciara - The Evolution Siobhan Donaghy - Ghosts Electric Six - I Shall Exterminate... Kid Rock - Rock 'n' Roll Jesus Of Montreal - Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer? Pissed Jeans - Hope for Men White Stripes - Icky Thump will.i.am - Songs About Girls
Movers & Shakers: Art Brut - It's a Bit Complicated Clientele - God Save the Clientele The Go! Team - Proof of Youth Charlotte Hatherley - The Deep Blue Maxïmo Park - Our Earthly Pleasures Mandy Moore - Wild Hope Melt-Banana - Bambi's Dilemma Roisin Murphy - Overpowered Paramore - Riot! Jordan Pruitt - No Ordinary Girl Tracey Thorn - Out of the Woods Ashley Tisdale - Headstrong Mary Weiss and Reigning Sound - Dangerous Game Kanye West - Graduation Wu-Tang Clan - 8 Diagrams Yelle - Pop Up
A-Trak - Dirty South Dance: Pretty great! Will make an excellent New Years mix. Like Ross said already, it's kind of this year's Night Ripper -- a cleaner mix (and technically a better one) but doesn't hit as many pleasure centers, which means it also doesn't have the side effect of feeling like it's "cheating" or taking cheap shots at said pleasure centers. Congrats, you set off my Pavlovian reaction to [insert 90s alt-rock song + rap verse] for thirty seconds.
Against Me! - New Wave: Falls uncomfortably between the Offspring and the Hold Steady. Nu-Green Day does this to me, too -- I recognize songs and hooks folded in there and just totally tune out anyway (there's even a meta-protest song: the awkward chant-along "Protest songs! In response to military aggression! Protest songs! Try and stop the soldier's guns!" is about as not-catchy as you'd expect it to be). The samey pseudo-angry voice only works when the hooks are hugely strong or the sound is a little more diverse. Generally it's pretty standard bread-n-butter rock-chug (there's an occasional foray into dance-rock-chug but that's about as stick-in-butt as everything else), and the stories being told (generally disillusioned lonely yung peoples making Serious Decisions) don't really spark my brain to visualize the narrator's world the way Hold Steady can when they're good. I guess I'd compare it in that respect to Boys and Girls in America. I also can't tell when the main dude is being sarcastic and/or knowingly ambivalent about some of the more overwrought sentiment about Love and War and Frustration. They don't seem to know whom they're putting on, so they hedge their bets by sneering "uh, everyone. Including us." in some gruff-voiced approximation of anger and end up sounding really wishy-washy.
Bat for Lashes - Fur and Gold: I liked this for a few songs, but it just about irrevocably dirges out around track 5. Gothic twee, with a cipher-songwriter lady at the center, lots of space between the jangles of various tingling treble strings (harpsichords, pianos...uh, lutes? Zither? What is that thing?) and a crawling bass. I like their rhythm section, spare, equal parts Phil Spector thump + tambourine and a sort of acoustic approximation of glitchy electrobeat. Good non-Nashian use of simple piano figures for atmospheric effect and weak melodic hooks. But at some point it stops creeping along and starts lurching along and I zone out. (Also, she's a total one-note cipher, no tangibly different productions to accommodate, so I lose track of her personality even in the course of a single song.)
Battles - Mirrored: It's not really my speed or style, as I can't find any practical use for listening to it that isn't what I'm doing right now -- thinking about it for the first time and bobbing my head while trying to capture first impressions. It's not walkable, it's not danceable, it's not really even backgroundable. But it's pretty good. Music for Blogspots -- I can imagine a lot of people out there in cyberspace bobbing their heads and writing what amount to first impressions; there's a big market for such music. I like how Gary Glitter will take over their rhythm section when he feels like it (in "Atlas," anyway), I like how they try to find ways around the fact that (presumably) none of them can sing. I like that they can swing in their own dorky, hulking sorta way. I like that their music reminds me of toy robots marching along w/ heads spinning around shooting off sparkler sparks. But I don't like the sinking suspicion that I will never ever listen to this again. Around track 6 or 7 it noodly-noodles off into boring-ass oblivion.
Vanilla Hudge - V: Pretty boring, with about five interesting tracks and maybe three or so good ones (four counting "Don't Talk" bonus track). "Say OK," the weirdass song about female empowerment that sounds more like a "Maneater" for boardrooms ("Never Underestimate a Girl," which would sound a lot better given the rhyme scheme as "Never Underestimate a MAN"...hmmmm), "Let's Dance" on a good day, and maybe "Rather Be with You," which is a nice big T-E-E-N-P-O-P number that isn't so J-Lo-Lite (which is probably one of the worst kinds of lite).
Low - Drums and Guns: Really beautiful, mournful -- I suspect lyrical bullshit here but I can't parse it enough to figure it out (yet) if it's there (which it just as well might not be, it's just a hunch) and meanwhile this is the best careful layering up from nothing-style production I've heard in this bunch, and there've been a lot of attempts at it. I'm not that familiar with Low, but the sound is certainly cleaner and more meticulous than the last one of theirs I heard, and the interplay between man/woman[-man? Is it all the lead singer?] vocals is pretty gorgeous. Seems righteous and sad, and if it sticks it might be my indie(ish) pick of the year. Sadder than LCD, more righteous than Arcade Fire. (Will also give it a few chances because it's Ross's #1 of the year.)
Lupe Fiasco - The Cool: I'm really not convinced at all that Lupe ain't DENSE AS FRUITCAKE. As usual the beats are cool but this time the lyrics really bug me (the groan-inducing prelude was probably fair warning). He's pretty smug for such a seeming dumbass. The beats-only version would be nice enough, but I keep getting mad at him.
Kate Nash - Made of Bricks: She's not kidding, this thing PLODS. But I don't hate it. I can't shake the feeling that I'm listening to a female equivalent of Ben Folds in the ham-fisted piano dept., and I can't tell when I think her bluntness is funny(ish) or just plain annoying. So I'm on the fence, but I kind of want to like her given how much the Brits hate her! Don't think it's really going to happen, but I also won't contribute to the campaign to have her blacklisted (I'm also a little sensitive to this because I just finished Roth's I Married a Communist).
Linda Thompson - Versatile Heart: A neutral guitar intro and quick nice tune fake-out on the second (title) track led me to believe this would be a pretty solid singer-songwriter country/folk sorta thing, a low-key rusty acoustic, pleasant-enough album. And then she starts in with the Chuck Berry-ish lyrics done drab w/ arched eyebrow, the Antony cameo, the song about how a lady shouldn't drive a Mercedes cuz it'll break her heart when it breaks down (HAW HAW) delivered dryly like she was telling the joke to an NPR interview. I turned it off during the Tom Waits cover ("Day After Tomorrow"), when she took a song I actually kindasorta like -- dubious distinction as Gorilla vs. Bear's "saddest song ever written"(!) notwithstanding (just found googling the lyrics) -- and pointlessly low-keyed it up (/down) even more to prove that it could be, uh...folkier? Yuck.
Yelle - Pop Up: Enjoyable, slightly hyper take on CSS-like dance/disco-pop that I like a lot better than CSS, except there's no big song for me to hang onto (just lots of little songs). I said to Jimmy Draper that it had a "dash of Bis" in there. (Turns out he'd already sent this to me and deleted it from his computer, but is keeping it around for its backgroundability.) Probably a sleeper favorite from the bunch, but don't think it would make my top 20. Gets monotonous past the halfway point.
Can't remember a note, but remember it being pretty good: Mary Weiss and Reigning Sound - Dangerous Game and Wu-Tang Clan - 8 Diagrams.
Can't remember a note, but remember it being not s'good: Manu Chao - La Radiolina, Les Savy Fav - Let's Stay Friends
Remember a few notes, liked: Vanessa Carlton - Heroes & Thieves, Charlotte Hatherley - The Deep Blue, Pleasure (Fred Ball) - Pleasure 2 [Really enjoy the big-single-type songs, could take or leave the rest], Melt-Banana - Bambi's Dilemma, Enrique - Insomniac
Remember a few notes, disliked: Bonde do Role - With Lasers, Stooges - The Weirdness
1. I don't have any idea why (not complaining either) but Miley Cyrus's "See You Again" is moving up the charts, recently hitting #36 in national Top 40 airplay. This is with no help whatsoever from Disney, who has not even made it eligible for voting on their own radio station. That means that even if you WANTED to hear "See You Again" on Radio Disney, you couldn't (unless you voted for it as a write-in candidate).
So apparently this thing has legs of its own, which was apparent, y'know, musically, but what difference does that make in the Disneyverse?
2. Here's what I can find:
(1) "See You Again" was at some point slated as second single. For whatever reason, Disney went with "Start All Over" (co-written by Fefe Dobson) which now has a (pretty great) one-shot video that's almost as good as this video-of-the-year-candidate-ish Bat for Lashes dealie (which I just put on a mix -- I'll do a post of indie stuff later, I think, now that I have time to blog again).
(2) Apparently Miley sez "See You Again" is her favorite song. What with the popularity/insane gouginess of her current tour, she might be creating the "grassroots" campaign for her own single.
(3) This still doesn't make very much sense.
3. Meanwhile, I kinda dig this song they're promoting right now by Eleventyseven, a Xtian pop-punk group, "How It Feels (To Be with You)." Basic disco-thump and whiny boyvocals, not unlike a cross between Ashley Parker Angel and...um, "See You Again," actually. A little. (A little.)
4. Emily Osment, Miley's right-hand cross-platformer, is at NUMBER THREE with her awful awful awful attempt at Leslie Carter Lite (which is like drinking Diet Diet Coke, and don't get me wrong, I love Diet Coke) which might mean we'll hear more stuff from her in the future. How this song could be #3 while Ali Lohan's comparably paltry Christmastime single could be one of the LEAST LIKED in the station's history is...uh, not beyond me, but frustrating. At least Ali's Christmas songs were friggin' weird.
5. Damn, the RD chart is still really boring. ABORT POST.
You can't get knocked up if music is your boyfriend, can you?
Er, anyway. Above you will find an inappropriate comment about a very talented, or so I've been led to believe, young woman's personal life. This reminds me of the halcyon days of September, when I wrote a brief (read: long) piece about Vanessa Hudgens. ("Vanilla Hudge.") In the piece, I assumed the voice of a k-pathetic blogger scorned by his middle school would-be girlfriends and said some nasty things about Facebook's probable role in the proliferation of mass-distributed n00d pix of Tha Hudge. In the comments section, Nia rightfully defended protagonist of the song and later on we had even more to say about it. I share it now in the interest of sparking further conversation about the BEST V-HUDGE TRACK IN THE UNIVERSE. Located above for reference.
THE CONVERSATION
Nia: When I said "Don't Talk" was magic, this was not exactly what I had in mind. "You've got to be patient with me" is the key line for me -- and wait, why are you so pissed at Vanessa's secret relationship, whereas you're all into Ashlee for not introducing her friends to her boyfriend in "Better Off"? Maybe because Vanessa is a little more menacing: "Don't talk or this all/song [whichever] will end, I promise. Be quiet, be quiet, or I will just deny it." Oh, all of a sudden you see why you have to be patient with her -- she's a little unstable, she will turn on you if she has to. And she knows it. And she's warning you. That's nice of her! I like that a lot better than Ashlee falling at some guy's feet. Vanessa's not gonna pretend to be powerless just because she likes you. Furthermore, Vanessa's not gonna blast that shit on Facebook; she is specifically telling you to not blast that shit on Facebook, because you know what, maybe she's got some shit going on, and she does not need everybody all asking her questions when she doesn't know the answers, and everything in her life is not all fucking about you, and why don't you just chill and let her decide how she feels, okay? Christ. Boys. They say we're too clingy. (Ashlee probably blasted that shit all over Facebook, meanwhile -- why do you think he friends keep asking about you? And like, every time you have a fight, she changes her relationship status to single so that little broken heart will show up in your news feed, and Vanessa's just rolling her eyes.)
Interesting how you automatically aligned with the guy and I automatically aligned with the girl.
I think eighteen is the age where these things start happening, anyway. Possibly because everyone is blasting their shit on Facebook.
Me: Wow I totally didn't see your comment, Nia!
I get a LOT of menace from this song, actually -- and the movie theater thing is actually something that happened to me (we saw Volcano), and I guess all I'm implying is that if she were a bit younger (not eighteen, maybe fourteen or so, and this isn't too far off, given her audience) she'd have a lot more control in this situation than the boy, who's obviously kind of a dork to be doing the "secret relationship" thing. At least from my experience (as a dork).
Ashlee's relationship in "Better Off" isn't a secret, it's just on the DL. Her friends know about it, and if they got caught at the movies by one of those friends, Ashlee'd 'fess up and just introduce him to them. What's charming about that song is that you get the sense that they've been avoiding public spaces for just that reason.
But what Vanessa's doing is much sneakier, almost the exact opposite--she's saying come to the movie, but then pretend we aren't a thing when you see me with my girlfriends. She's PLANNING on this to happen.
But here's the thing: in my experience, boys don't talk about relationships like girls do, because we don't know what the fuck is going on at any given moment. At least not at that age (again, this is just from my experience). The most I might have said about a relationship, secret or no, to my guy friends (even close ones) is "it's going pretty good I guess. I dunno." And then maybe some talk about bases 'n' stuff (in yr dreams). Because I was utterly oblivious and I got PLAYED.
she's a little unstable, she will turn on you if she has to. And she knows it. And she's warning you. That's nice of her!
Or she'll turn on you because she decided to turn on you. And she'll never tell you WHY, because that's just something she talks about with her girlfriends. I HAVE BEEN DUMPED THIS WAY MORE THAN ONCE.
Me (again): LOL at sustained bitterness from middle school romantic trauma.
I was once dumped like this: "David, do you like dump trucks? Because RACHEL does!" (Rachel being my current girlfriend, this being the third-or-so day of our far too short-lived relationship.)
I was also dumped behind school standing in a circle of my girlfriend's girlfriends. I thought she was going to kiss me. (WRONG.) (Then one of the friends followed and mocked me, I said something nasty to her about looking like a boy, she kicked me in the balls.)
I was also dumped at a party during a game of spin the bottle. Her friends then started yelling at ME (because she was crying) and I sat by myself until my dad picked me up. (The same girlfriend ran away from me when I tried to kiss her.)
I was also dumped after the initial betting period of one day had passed and the girl in question won whatever dare it was that got her to go out with me in the first place.
I've been dumped in notes, on the phone, via proxy, via second-hand gossip. I've been dumped as a cover for being not-dumped ("we can go out, but only in secret" ALARM BELLS!), I've been dumped again but f'real this time ("ok, now it's REALLY over" -- and this directly in response to my gruesome impression of a lion eating fried chicken at the lunch table, which for the record was hilarious). I've been dumped in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening. I've been dumped privately and publicly, sweetly and sourly, weekly, hourly (three times in one day once by the same girl!).
I'm not saying guys always have it worse than girls, or that I don't usually identify with the girls in these songs (in fact as k-runk has noted, I sekretly yearn to be one myself). And I broke up with girls, too (not as often, and never publicly) and they could have said some of the same stuff about me. But I am saying that there's a particular (oblivious and dopey) adolescent view of early (definitely pre-18) relationships that goes relatively unmentioned in teenpop. And I don't believe for a second that Vanessa Hudgens has ever been anything less than the most popular gal in school.
Nia: and the movie theater thing is actually something that happened to me
Really? Never would have guessed.
Her friends know about it, and if they got caught at the movies by one of those friends, Ashlee'd 'fess up and just introduce him to them.
You think. The song doesn't say that -- you find Ashlee more charming, so you think she'd do the more charming thing, whereas I think she's just as likely to be like, "Oh! Stephanie! This is my, um...friend. He was just leaving." The charm isn't in the song, any more than the snickering and the sitting two rows back and whatever else are in "Don't Talk."
What is different about "Don't Talk" is Vanessa's forcefulness (you do it her way or you don't do it at all) but Ashlee can be plenty forceful. I don't see how Vanessa is any more threatening than the girl who says "when you're crawling over broken glass to get to me, that's when I'll let you stay."
I mean, really, neither of us is wrong. We're both making assumptions about the situation based on our personal experiences. But something about the way you did it bugs me -- there's no real reason for you to be so hostile toward Vanessa but not toward Ashlee, and the fact that you brought up naked pictures on the Internet (and accused her of releasing them herself) within two sentences is just icky, you know?
But I am saying that there's a particular (oblivious and dopey) adolescent view of early (definitely pre-18) relationships that goes relatively unmentioned in teenpop.
Er, wait. I don't follow this logic. It never happens to people Vanessa's age, and nobody ever sings about it anyway...so obviously that's what Vanessa is singing about?
Me: I think that was a slip-up in how I worded those. I mean that the situation that I'm describing, that I'm reading into the V-Hudg song, doesn't get covered in most teenpop -- "I know *nothing* about relationships, because I'm a naive dork, and I thought things were going fine and then I got dumped, and now I'm sad but I still don't know what the hell's going on and will probably do it again so whatever".
Haha, I thought that it was ridiculous enough in the post (and that my "voice" there was overwhelmingly pathetic enough) that when I brought up the pictures that "icky" wouldn't come through quite so strong. I think it's probably just one of those terrible things that happens to people in the public eye, and don't actually wish any ill will toward BABY V.
I guess the sense I get in Ashlee is that, in "Better Off," she's really happy when she's with this guy, and whether or not anyone knows about it isn't the primary issue (as it clearly IS in "Don't Talk"); the primary issue is keeping things EXACTLY the same, so that it gets no worse and a little better each day. "What if we could just stay like this forever?" etc. I think it's mostly romantic!
Whereas in "Love Me for Me," you get the sense that they're BOTH fucked up, and more generally everything is fucked up between them, even the toothpaste. This is not a relationship they want to keep in stasis mode, it's relationship-as-earthquake. It's kind of the exact opposite (and back to back, which give both tracks a sort of contextual depth thrown up against each other like that).
So key differences for me between these examples are: (1) there is no context in which I can understand "Don't Talk," except maybe "Say OK," which I've never paid enough attention to to know what it's about exactly. Anyway, Vanessa doesn't present me with a person I'm particularly eager to read stuff into, which might be why I instinctively try to figure out who's on the other side of the equation (likewise with, say, "Complicated," where I wonder who the hell this guy ACTUALLY is, since I don't trust Avril's description of him at all). And (2), probably more important in this case, is that the guy didn't do anything wrong -- it's not "you're pushing your luck, buddy," or "I just know you're gonna fuck this up"; it's all on Vanessa, it's all about Vanessa. And when I think about this situation, I just kind of feel sorry for the guy for what he's about to get himself into (probably something complicated, something unpleasant). Of course the guy in "Love Me for Me" is in unpleasantness, but Ashlee's established that they both have issues, whereas Vanessa only says that she's got the issues. And I'm thinking, this is never going to work! RUN!!!!
"Oh! Stephanie! This is my, um...friend. He was just leaving."
But Stephanie knows she's dating "this guy," might even know his name (I mean, why not?). So if she saw Ashlee at the movie theater, she'd put two and two together. So THIS is the guy! And Ashlee'd be like, SHIT, now we can't enjoy Dante's Peak, but she wouldn't pretend she wasn't dating the guy. (Or pretend to break up with him on the spot only so she could do it again for real two days later.)
Couple other points: I like this scenario when I know the singer a little better. "Long Way 2 Go" has a similar premise: you think you've got me? You're not even close, pal. I don't think of the guy because I'm really really interested in the girl -- also, she sets the stage so that it's not a one-on-one scenario.
And that's the other point that I think is really the biggest one (now that I've thought about it for a few more minutes): Both V and Ashlee are presenting one-on-one worlds, but with Ashlee it's an INSULAR world -- the friends are a threat to their insularity, even the two of 'em are a threat to it (in "Love Me for Me," where the mere fact that they are who they are is what presumably makes them work and not-work at the same time).
V is one-on-one, too, but it's more like this guy is a CIA operative and she's his superior. "Here's your mission: date me without another living soul knowing, even your best friend [in the movie, it'd be "your wife" or "your husband"]. Fair warning, at any time you could get stranded and even I will deny you exist. In fact, as a test, I would like you to approach me at a dinner party and just watch how fast I deny your existence."
And V is also way more threatening than Ashlee: "be quiet, be quiet, or I will just deny it." I mean, that shit is COLD. Why doesn't she just say "Shut up, shut up, or I will FUCK YOU UP"!
So here's this guy who, even according to his superior (and she IS superior, because she's got all the cards in this song, and could just as easily deny they even had this conversation!), is (1) powerless and (2) waiting to see what happens. He's vulnerable in a way that she isn't. I think that's why I identify with him.
Again, if I knew Vanessa better, I might know that she's capable of being similarly vulnerable, and what I think you're rightfully getting at is that personal experience could fill in that vulnerability. But my problem with V in general is that I'm ACTIVELY uninterested in what she has to say, so even if she told me flat-out that she's vulnerable, I wouldn't really care. Whereas I know that Ashlee is vulnerable -- similar to how I imagine lots of people are vulnerable -- so that when she's strong or menacing or threatening, it's deeper because I know the stakes: at any time (most of the time, even) she'll be vulnerable again, hurt again.
And that also gets at what I'm missing in a lot of teenpop from the girl's perspective: boys can be really vulnerable in strange ways that go unspoken. We're not allowed to cry when we get broken up with, even if it happens in a circle of the girlfriend's girlfriends (and when we do, and we say something inappropriate, we get kicked in the nuts). We're not allowed to gossip and send proxies and do the other weird stuff that girls do in semi-secretive fashion. We're not allowed to set the terms of the "secret relationship," or if we do (and get found out), it's REALLY not OK. This is where it makes a big difference if you're 18 or 14, because at 18 -- by college, basically -- guys and girls have about equal power in doing this secret-relationship sorta stuff, where it's probably closer to "let's keep this on the DL, OK?" than "if you tell your friends I'll FUCKING KILL YOU and DENY IT EVER HAPPENED," and it can be as casual or as fucked up as it wants to be. But in middle school (even high school) it's girls who are usually able to set these sortsa terms to the losers who are dumb enough to go along with them (like me, repeatedly! And I wouldn't go back and change a thing even if I could!).
Nia: I don't know, I feel about "Long Way 2 Go" the way you feel about "Don't Talk." There's this expectation that the guy should chase after Cassie, even though there's no chance of him winning -- she complains that he never comes through (and proves his skills in the bedroom), but she cancels their dinner plans and says she's not into it. Bitch, he can't prove himself if you won't even talk to him.
Why doesn't she just say "Shut up, shut up, or I will FUCK YOU UP"!
I don't know, because that would be a fucking awesome song. Let's start a band and get on that.
Me: YES.
The thing I like about "Long Way 2 Go" is that there's no specific dude. It's just kind of an open challenge to all these guys trying to get with her, like it's written in a very unspecific second person.
Nia: But that's even worse! Vanessa's defining this (potentially) shitty relationship with one guy, and she justifies it by saying she wants to stay safe and let this thing build quietly; Cassie's brushing them all off at once, with no good reason. Per her lyrics: She's, um, got superior fashion sense? She thinks he's bad in bed? (How does she know? She won't even let him get in the same room as her!) And yet Cassie expects that whole gangs f guys are going to want to chase after her, inevitably. What a bitch.
Me: But it's just braggadocio, the stakes are actually quite low! This kind of nullifies the personal engagement. And say what you (er, I) want about Vanessa, she did get my attention and I'm interested in what else she has to say -- I'm interested in what else Cassie has to offer in terms of, y'know, awesome songs, but I don't have a totally clear sense of her. But that's OK.
Cassie might be a bitch, though I don't get that from her music really (in a way I get it from Rihanna for whatever reason), but Vanessa reminds me more of Avril, that there's something WRONG happening here in this brain. Again, interested, but wary. And feel sorry for whatever dude is messing around with her. (I feel worse for whatever dude in "Girlfriend" has Avril HARASSING HIM outta the blue in all her aggressive, dysfunctional cluelessness. I mean, what did he do to deserve it except pick someone who by default is probably a much better girlfriend than Avril? If I were him I'd get a restraining order. In as many languages as possible.)
More details as events warrant.
EDIT: For some excellent analysis of the appeal of Avril's aggressive, dysfunctional cluelessness, check out Kat Stevens's post on "Girlfriend" in FreakyTrigger.
I like Panda Bears, sure, but POLAR BEARS are better. Specifically: I AM AN ARMOURED BE-AH!!!!!!!!!
Which brings us to TEENPOPMOVIE that I saw, The Golden Compass (never read the books), a children's film in which (SPOILERS BELOW):
(1) Nicole Kidman hits on children before threatening them with castration/mutilation (it's just a...little...cut...) PS her monkey strokes a ferret!!!!
(2) A large bear KNOCKS THE MUTHERFUCKIN JAW off another large bear and then rips out his juggalor. And, after his Mortal Kombat finishing move, proceeds to do a Tekken "KO" pose. Y'know, when you play as those bigass be-ahs.
(3) The Narrator from The Big Lebowski chastises said polar bear for drinkin' too much whiskey.
(4) The costume designers decide to emphasize the first couple letters in the fantasy race of "gyptian" by bringing out the sortsa ethnic stereotypes Hilary Duff hilariously employed to bitch-slap her step-mom in "Gypsy Woman."
(5) Suddenly, and without warning, a large horde of Cossacks are introduced to re-enact the final battle in X-Men 3. They actually speak Russian.
(6) So, apparently, everyone has a DAEMON (spirit animal sorta thing), and if you kill a daemon, you kill the bad guy attached to the daemon. Makes sense in a fantasy genre sorta way, but the visual impact of this is that the GOOD GUYS take shotguns and KILL THE BAD GUYS' DOGS. Like, they have the bad guy in their sights and then think, wait, shortcut! And target a pooch and BLAM!
(7) When a bad guy or good guy dies, a buncha gold dust (some metaphor for God's Nietzschean living impairment in the book that doesn't translate in the film?) flies out of their orifices. Usually in children's movies, death is a little ambiguous, as we just see bad guys hitting the ground and not getting up again. In this film, there is a huge, swirling outpouring of LIFE JUICE to signify DEAD. It's kind of crazy.
What I'm basically trying to say is that this is (unintentionally) at least the fourth best movie of the year. And I kind of hated it! But I do want to see it again.
3. Other movies I have watched recently:
28 Weeks Later: Best zombie movie in like ten years. Blows the original outta the water.
Year of the Dog: What if, instead of animals, Molly Shannon took a sudden interest in saving the lives of, like, FETUSES? Would we still be expected to cheer when she hops on a bus to go off to a political rally?
Golden Compass: WHY HAVEN'T YOU SEEN THIS YET? At this rate they won't even make the sequel!!!!
4. Other music I've thought about recently:
Ummmmmmmm, no idea. You start.
5. Other stuff I've thought about recently:
I should probably start trying to write something, y'know, good. Like once a month or so. We'll see. I wonder if I actually have anything to say about this:
BUZZ WORD for the year: CONFLICT. As in, I am. Past tense. Of this semigenre. Pseudogenre? Subgenre of POP?
Alphabeticalstyle. By first name.
Aly and AJ - Insomniatic
Still conflicted. I never really went in for "Potential Break-Up Song" because I got the sense that they were faking it. Still do, but I recognize that to a certain extent it doesn't matter how fake the fun is if it's actually fun. (Later in the A section, fake fun that isn't that fun HINT: #1 ROCK SINGLE SUPERSTAR.)
But it's a false start of fake fun. There's still fake fun, and some real fun, and some real pathos if you don't just have the iTunes version. ("Blush" is still the song to take away from it, but it has very little to do with the rest of the album.)
Fake fun that is great: "You already got my number. HUNH." Fake fun not so great: one of those songs I don't remember so well. Y'know, the one in the middle. I'm not sure which one I'm thinking of. Have grown to really like the slower numbers (esp. "Silence," which I initially didn't like), readily admit that overall this album is about twenty times better than their first album.
Seriously, none of it is even close to bad. Why do I kind of hate it -- or the idea of it? What's the idea, anyway?
TRENDSPOTTING: bonus tracks on Disney releases overshadowing most of the actual release. Case in point (later): Vanessa Hudgens', "Don't Talk," which is technically from 2006. Subject for future research.
Dammit, I'm gonna pissed if I hear her new album and it's as good as her last two albums without making an appearance on my year-end lists. I can't imagine it being any worse or any better, actually. GAH I shoulda waited. EDIT: Phew, not good enough to make my list. Check out "So 16."
Ashlee Simpson - "Outta My Head" and "Keep Me in the Dark"
The latter was an unintentional leak, so I'm not going to be as hard on it as I could be. Short story is that I can't recognize Ashlee outside or inside her music these days, and I'm actually kind of embarrassed for her (don't feel sorry, don't feel sorry for me). But when I say this, what I really mean to say is that Ashlee-I-can-defend-as-a-person(a) seems to be gone fishin'. Ashlee-whose-songs-are-enjoyable hasn't left the building yet, I hope, but what the hell am I gonna do with an Ashlee whose SONGS are enjoyable? Her SONGS being enjoyable isn't what keeps me up nights trying to find what this shit means. Like, yeah, the music is pretty good. BUT THE IDEAS ARE GREAT. Were great. It's a loss, but maybe there was just nowhere for her to go. I've gone from quietly hopeful to near-hopeless. Have Kara and Ashlee basically severed ties? They spoke to each other during Kara's Billboard article, but Kara has also gone dance, and could probably just as easily contribute to Ashlee's "Ooh Ooh Baby."
Ashley Tisdale - Headstrong
Just got a nosejob. Recognizability a non-issue, I probably couldn't have picked her out of a line-up anyway. Offers very little in the way of personality, has several great tunes in spite of herself. Best tune was ringing in my ears when I read this quote about said nosejob:
“I want my fans to know the truth. I’m not someone who is going to act like I had nothing done. I just want to be honest because my fans are everything to me.”
The cake you can't have and eat (because you took a slice out of it already yuk).
Anyway, don't know what to say about the album except that, aside from "Not Like That," I have about as much connection to it as Marie Serneholt's from last year, but Marie at least had the decency to keep it to 10 tracks with only two outright duds ("Love Making Love" and "Oxygen," which you can skip easily). Ashley's is cluttered up with all kindsa garbage, the worst probably being the "Love Me for Me" that BY DEFAULT I assume has to be like fifth best. If it turns out there are more "Love Me for Me"'s, it will rank lower. The title track is pretty godawful. Don't remember most of the second half of the CD, except a sorta Europop-Britney number (track 9?) that I enjoyed. She's no Marie Serneholt.
Avril Lavigne - "Girlfriend"
Apparently there was an album attached to this song. I don't think I listened to it more than once several months ago; it was OK. I hate her so much. It's ridiculous. And even though Skye's output this year makes any comparison (Skye-Hevvy) kind of beside the point (i.e., I got bigger issues with Skye than AVRIL, whom I can ignore 300 or so days out of the year) I still resent Avril for going #1 with the pseudo-fun version of Skye's real-fun c. 2004. But Skye's story has been in the B-sides for about two years now, so maybe this will hold true for the time being?
Britney - Blackout
Apparently my teenpop album of the year, except it's not really teenpop and I don't know what being anything "of the year" actually means this year. As opposed to Paris Hilton's album feeling "very 2006." And Marit Larsen's album feeling "very Marit Larsen." I can feel Britney in it but it doesn't "feel Britney," there's something sinister about it. It's REALLY SEXY. Except she's not really asking you to have sex with her (anymore). Having sex with the Britney of "Get Naked (I Has a Plan)" would be much much much more fun than having sex with the Britney of "I'm a Slave 4 U" or "Toxic." Are people going to get mad at me when I say that "Piece of Me" isn't nearly as good as some people'd have ya think? (It's like the fourth or fifth worst track.) And "Why Should I Be Sad" is underrated, though not better than "Piece of Me."
Ciara - The Evolution
Woops, 2006. I probably shoulda voted for "Like a Boy" somewhere on my singles list. Call it #11.
The Dollyrots - "Because I'm Awesome"
I'm sure the album accompanying this is fun. I lost it when my hard drive crashed. C'est la vie.
Fall Out Boy - Infinity on High
I still don't understand why I think this album is so bad. It has something to do with wanting to throw something across the room every time I listen to it. But WHY? (The problem is to find out I'd need to listen to it again, and I haven't prepared myself for it yet.) Also recalls bad experiences WORKING A REAL JOB, which I've decided is NOT FOR ME. I temporarily have the privilege to call this a CHOICE and I have chosen to exercise it.
Hilary Duff - Dignity
I go all over the place with this one. The tracks I thought I didn't like are some of my favorites now -- "Burned" keeps getting better (esp. after I put it on a mix between "Open Toes" and "Spinnin' Around") and "Happy" is probably best. "Gypsy Woman" has faded as its !!! factor wore off (Churchill???) and "Stranger" just sounds friggin' weird now that I know it's about her dad. "Outside of You" sounds out of place, "Never Stop" still great, "With Love" actually one of the weaker tracks, "Dignity" still wonderful, but also still makes me hate Hilary a little. Which is fine because despite her autobiographical slant (or whatever), she still hasn't convinced me she's not a robot. (Did Vicki on Small Wonder ever brush her teeth?)
Jordan Pruitt - No Ordinary Girl
I listened to this twice and got no real feeling from it. She's an excellent singer, but so is Belinda (who at least has insane car crash videos) and Paula DeAnda (who at least has a Lil' Wayne cameo) and Jojo (who is pretty much the best anonymous "good singer" in teenpop) and a bunch of other ordinary girls. I like her ballad because it reminds me of the high school that only exists in the minds of middle schoolers. Along similar lines, I seem to remember her having a good song called "Teenager," which loses points for just making me want to listen to MCR's "Teenagers." EDIT: "Miss Popularity"(?) also a good one.
Kat McPhee - "Open Toes"
The only song I remember from her album. Another skilled anonopop singer. "Open Toes" is head and shoulders above everything else she's done, and I just realized the other day it was a Danja track. KUDOS KONSUMER-POP. EDIT: I remember several other of her songs in the comments.
Katy Rose - Candy Eyed
Goddamn this album is weird. I can't even figure out which track is weirdest. Kind of love it, though, would use the dance number toward the end ("Dancin' For") as a track on my upcoming CONFESSIONAL DANCE '07 mix except I can't imagine actually making this. [EDIT: Now working on this. Stay tuned.] If I did:
01. Veronicas - Hook Me Up 02. Britney - Piece of Me (hypocrisy!) 03. Ashley Tisdale - Not Like That 04. Vanessa Hudgens - Don't Talk 05. Keke Palmer - Game Song 06. The Pierces - Boring 07. Katy Rose - Dancin' For 08. Hilary Duff - Burned 09. Aly and AJ - Potential Break-Up Song 10. Rihanna - Question Existing 11. Robyn - With Every Heartbeat 12. Linda Sundblad - Lose You 13. Lauryn Hill - Lose Myself 14. Miley Cyrus - Start All Over
Keke Palmer - So Uncool
Teenpop dark horse candidate for, uh, second or third best? "Game Song" has the best idea, but I like the music in "Music Box" (which has a bunch of terrible ideas, but kind of charmingly terrible -- "she cleans, she mops / the tears that drop" !!!! SHE GOT A JOB AS A JANITOR CLEANING UP HER OWN TEARS PEOPLE) and the sentiment in "Hood Anthem" and the good intentions of "Footwurkin'," which doesn't actually make me want to dance much. "Keep It Movin'" is currently on the Radio Disney charts! JUSTICE AT LAST. (Speaking of which, "D.A.N.C.E." counts as teenpop -- it was blaring outta my headphones one day and my friend John said "I know those are yours because you're listening to teenpop.")
Kelly Clarkson - My December
Kelly got a bum rap, but her album also wasn't as good as it needed to be for me to crusade for her. Weirdly, this was the post that made k-runk feel sorry for me (C: "What if someone called us a pair o' pathetic peripatetics?" H: "I've never heard of someone taking the time to rhyme weird insults." C: "But shouldn't we have a ready retort?"). I thought it was pretty good!
Lil' Mama - "Lip GLoss"
Uh, apparently her album is out and I haven't heard it? I should probably get on that. False alarm. Sigh.
Miley Cyrus - Hannah Montana 2/Meet Miley Cyrus
See: Mostly Wanted. Depending on yr individual preferences and such, add a track or two (I don't like "Girl's Night Out" or "Nobody's Perfect").
My Chemical Romance - "Teenagers"
Scare the living shit out of me, too. Invoking trench coat mafia frivolously doesn't sit right with me, but neither did Eminem's Columbine reference, and that was closer and I got over it, and neither did Elephant, but that's because Gus Van Sant is an asshole. Gerard Way is just kind of aggressively clueless. I also should have voted this on my singles list. (#11A.)
Paramore - Riot!
Copy and pasting my Paramore qualms from an email to Jimmy Draper. Anyone who likes this band should try FLYLEAF, who are much better.
I've been resisting Paramore, and couldn't put my finger on why. I like their hooks, like their singer, kind of a lot. Not as much as I could, but enough to otherwise have no problem leading me to resist them...and then I realized that they're a slightly more sophisticated version of AVRIL LAVIGNE. The same competency bordering on occasional pop genius masquerading as depth. Key example is "Misery Business," which is Sk8er Boi. Not even "kind of similar" -- the premise is identical, and the fake "innocent" girl she steals from this guy could just has well have done ballet. And it similarly fails to explain why this girl is any BETTER than the first girl, meaning I don't care about her. And she wants me to think she's clever and/or "deep," which I think I resent a little.
But can't deny really good hooks and really good singing -- it's all the attitude that turns me off a little, I guess. (Would still easily make a top 50 or so albums, but not a my top 20.)
Skye Sweetnam - Sound Soldier
GAAAAAH I don't know. I still don't actually own this. Ross wrote a review of it that I agree with for the most part; in a blurb, its parts are better than the whole. I don't think I intensely dislike anything on it. But I do get an overall sense that Skye is stuck with more "talent" than she knows what to do with. Like the Matrix took a buffer to her and ended up rubbing off a lot of her charm. I don't think it's the songwriting -- I like that she's going socal and she's trying a non-lighter-waving Lindsay-ish ballad and some nu-metal and some Britneypop and some weirdly ancient-sounding hip-hop stuff. I like that she's working with major label talent and Tim Armstrong indiscriminately, and that she's basically touring clubs and middle schools, and that she has one ultra-high-gloss video and one ultra-lo-gloss video, and that they're both pretty great. I like a LOT about it. But I don't really like it, y'know? I wouldn't be concerned with it if her label hadn't just axed half of its roster and left her with a Canada-only release; and I also wouldn't be concerned if I knew that whatever she has from the Max/Luke sessions will be worth the wait (provided it ever surfaces and/or doesn't sound like "Girlfriend" grrrr). Not that a Max/Luke credit has done much for anyone lately (Amy Diamond will probably be fine).
Soulja Boy - Tellem.com
I've decided that this album is (1) annoying as all fuck and (2) pretty good. Would have been a good inclusion for my "Downgrade U" article. Still can't do the Soulja Boy dance :(.
Oh jeez, what do I say? The beats are too fast. STOP MAKING ME DANCE SO FAST. GAH. It's pretty good. I got nuthin' to say about this one, really, except I'm not obsessed with/losing sleep over it and I'm glad that this is the next single. Might be my favorite on the album.
Ignored due to extreme ambivalence: Bratz OST (look up Prima J and check out the weird-ass evolution of CLIQUE GIRLZ here); Corbin Bleu ("Deal with It" is the only one I like); the Rihanna/Amerie Wars, better chronicled here and here.
Haven't heard: Megan McCauley, Jordin Sparks ("Tattoo" v. meh), Vanessa Carlton, Jonas Brothers, High School Musical 2 <--also counts toward AMBIVALENCE, except I don't remember anything except the baseball song.
Oh wait, forgot to mention: MCFLY - "Transylvania" -- MY CHEMICAL ROOT BEER!
Edits/comments to follow probably. Editorials welcome below.
